dealing with financially irresponsible family members

(I certainly didntone of my first jobs was literally shoveling dirt.). Tell your grandparents that theyd be hurting their grandkids if they do what theyre threatening to do. Its really, really hard to experience and deal with. Nothing to his grandchildren including no happy birthday phone call for them, so he gets nothing from me. And manipulation involves control and coercion. And that lost money is money being stolen from their grandkids inheritance. My dads job at a university got cut to part time in 2003. several years later they had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. Trust me, itll be better to not worry about your finances in the future and to take care of yourself but be considered a heathen than to let them suck you dry and tell you that youre a good girl. Very helpful and it makes me feel better to know Im not alone. Each case is individual. One more thing to add i had tried talking to them about their situation but i feel like if im talking to a brick wall they want to hear 0 percent of my non sense lol . In the meantime my mother has chosen to buy a camper to live in Palm Springs, she goes to a gym almost everyday, and to the library. Ive even given up on romance 2 focus on raising my kids. Needs a place to live, tough tuna. I am from the UK and living in Canada. The two family members I mentioned have less than 10k in savings between them and are 57 and 64 respectively. So far, talking to them has been futile and disastrous. As far as financially supporting parents, the law should not make it mandatory for children to do so on a general scale. youd have to be frickin nuts. Now 10 years later, he has two mortgages on his home and about $20,000 left in cash. In most relationships, especially in marriages, both partners give and take when it comes to finances and the financial burden is never put onto one person.For example, it's quite acceptable for one partner to pay for the bills, but the other pay for everyday expenses for example. Long term care insurance policy? My dad is 62 and my mom is 57. They were not raised that way. But when i was 17 i worked in a clothing store with a guy who had the same illness as my dad he told me he dint want money from the goverment he wants to make his own money. And that may mean being homeless. It wasnt as bad as Ive heard recently, but Im sure theyve cracked down. So I may face this very decision in the next decade or two. She has no jobs and had a massive gambling debt but she said she couldnt find work and her boy friend is paying for her debt. I wonder if theres a specific support group for this sort of thing. I have no plans of continuing to help them out until they can show theyre at least making an effort to be more financially responsible. I do not feel like it is my responsibility to help her but I also know that I cannot live with the alternative easily so I struck the compromise to save some for her and some for me and she is very lucky in what has happened though she does not recognize it at all. You can sign up for almost every service known Overheard at Costco recently: Wow. Signs You Are Financially Enabling Someone It's important to know when financial support moves from aid to addiction. They did not run out of money and had loving family members nearby to help them. What do you do in that situation, where their struggles arent just an imagined future, but todays reality? Needless to say, he does no chores and has an attitude and says later (which never comes) if I ask him to help clean the house. my folks have always been responsible. ever. And, unless Im actually willing to end this and make her homeless I really dont see any legitimate way out, Whats the point of my telling anyone this? Thank you Jen for your advice and sharing your story. I think the businesses can run without him and pay for his medical bills, but what if is in the hospital for years? Their only concern is their own welfare. We make a good income, but it doesnt go as far as youd think. They have already sold their house to tap in the funds, so reverse mortgage is no longer an option. He has always had an on and off alcohol problem. Now I have to do their retirement planning for them. Nothing to his wonderful mother who was as good and caring as they come. I am now in my mid-40s, I still have children at home as well as a spouse. Very cruel situation. Even waitress, she wanted to do business and demanded her partner to let her waste more money. What is the money going toward and will you need more money later?, Say, I want to help you. I revolted from this thought from the beginning. She has enough monthly money to meet her needs but she chooses to give what she does have to him and expects us to step in and support her. My sister and her husband have the same situation. Parents who financially take care of their adult children are robbing their children from becoming Happy, Proud, Productive, Self-Sufficient, Successful Adults. I think it would get very very ugly. I live across the country from them and theyre seethingly jealous of my lifestyle. So who is the willing victim ready to clean up their mess around here for the next 15-20 years? The time is coming in the very near future that they will be asking for a nice sum of money. No. They handed out money to family friends at an alarming rate, and even made great new friends who would contact them seeking financial help. And, spending more than you make is a recipe for disaster as is having friends and family members who are willing to bail you out, over and over again. Avoid loans if you can. The survey showed that 45% of parents helped their adult children financially and that 79% said they shared money they wouldve used for their own personal finances. Barring a signed contract, create a bill-paying plan with your family member. No willingness to work for someone else and be told what to do. I was not taught or even mentioned to about investing, the different options for savings, college costs, house finances, etc. What to Do When Your Partner is Financially Irresponsible Simply going out with the expensive crowd isnt going to do much to secure your spot at work. He suffers from depression, which is sometimes debilitating. The spectrum of emotion has ranged from its not my problem to what plan can i put in place for them, while also supporting the future investment needs of my family. The friends, a married couple, buy a home where they can all cohabit, while retaining privacy. Giving financial help to a family member especially if its yet another cash payment earmarked for an adult child may seem like something parents, siblings and relatives should do for each other, if theyre able. Anyone they could manipulate into funding a deal and their lifestyle was fair game. Not right at all. Why its a problem: Their conspicuous consumption can be annoying, but theyre still family and its hard to watch them spend their way into bankruptcy and a lifetime of financial woes. I truly have a big problem with them, didnt help me with hardly anything beyond high school and they both lived well beyond their means. My Dad is self-employed but was never good at the business side of things, he mixed business with pleasure too much and got stabbed in the back from friends more times they you could count so lost a lot of money. Husband and I do well so of course now they look at us as their retirement. There is no shame attached to bankruptcy or getting hand out. she says I am so selfish and brings god into it bc I dont just keep trying to take care of her. Yes. My dad is sickly and he has to retire at least in 1-2 years. Drive through any social service hub city and youll see a line of homeless sitting outside the nearest Dunkies sipping the coffee they somehow have the money for. This readers sisters house has a lien on it and her credit cards are maxed out, again. I was 20 at the time and now I realize I should have never let them use my credit. Thank you for your post and to all who commented here. Give that person a ride to work. Thats the difference here. This could mean anything from having separate checking accounts to creating a monthly budget with built-in fun money that you can each spend (or save! And my husband and I have vowed to never, ever do this to our own children! my mother in law, no. 11 Ways to Deal with Your Financially Irresponsible Spouse I see the hurt in your words. Once that pool is gone it cannot be easily replaced. Siblings might bicker over an inheritance. Like a stray dog, he will keep returning. Ask them to do some work in exchange for the money. Some of them do it because they dont trust the government sticking their hands in their wallets for taxes, etc Some others are actually be lazy. I believe that if children are raised properly, with respect and discipline, human nature is such that they will naturally desire to help their parents without government intrusion. It is a parents job to take care of their children, not abort them, put them up for adoption or abandon them. I had to point it out to her that dad needs to retire. Seek out lower-cost social activities and cherish the relationships with people who share those activities with you. A life that will make us happy (me and my hubby). I usually just read through posts like these but after so many similar tales I decided to post a bit about my own situation. Its horrible. I am a stay at home mum and trying to look after two of my kids under 5. Im glad that you have a great mom who helped you. People think because Im living at home I must have saved loads of money but that couldnt be further from the truth. So I TOTALLY get it and there is no right answer, you have to be able to make tough decisions in your families best interest and thats all you can do, it sucks but its a part of life. Parents may have strong opinions on how their children handle finances. please be wary of professionals, many are wolves in white coats. Are they adults ? My parents retired and decided to live like royalty. @ERHR I can completely relate you having to unlearn lessons. I have a family of my own and were trying to survive. Its a life challenge that you need to face and stabilise. Doesnt make a lick of sense. If thats the lifestyle youve chosen, do not expect your children to necessarily be there when you run out and of money. We have had two businesses together. I am just very concerned because I know that they will not have enough money to retire and will become a huge burden on my family.

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